I guarantee that this question will come up during your wedding planning discussions at some point.  Here are some of the arguments I’ve heard in response to this question over the years…

“The wedding day belongs to the bride. She’s been dreaming of this day all her life so she should have the last word on everything” - a bride

“These kids have crazy ideas about what they want at their wedding. Most of the guests are friends of mine and my husband’s and I don’t want to be embarassed by tacky decoration or non conventional ideas” - a mother-in-law

“I am footing the bill at the end of the day so if I want “x” type of music at the wedding – then that is what we’re gonna have” - a father-in-law.

“My fiance and her mother seem to have taken over everything and they don’t even care what my opinion is. I just want to have a good time at my wedding but they haven’t taken my friends into account at all.” - a groom

So whose side are you on?

The truth is that everyone above has a valid argument. A wedding is a celebration for two families and the creation of a new one. It is a day that should be fun and happy for everyone involved so it is important to pick your battles and to take some time to step back and look at things objectively before stamping your feet and insisting on your way.

Try to understand where people are coming from. For example, if your parents are demanding something just because “everyone does it”, ask them if that is what they did when they got married.  Just because something is fashionable today and everyone seems to be doing it, doesn’t mean its the only option you have and it doesn’t mean that people will frown upon your decisions.

Make sure you take into account who your wedding guests are going to be. You are spending a lot of money on what is essentially one party so you want everyone to leave happy.  Try to include something for everyone so that the older guests have a good time and the younger guests can “express themselves” freely.

Most likely each person will feel strongly about one or two particular issues so you can always try to negotiate between each other. Just make sure that you don’t end up with a mix-and-match style wedding that just ends up confusing everyone!

Alternatively, there are other options you can take a look at if it’s proving impossible to figure things out with everyone.  As a couple you can offer to pay for the wedding (or parts of it) yourselves. You can decide to hold separate events for the parents’ friends and your friends or you can decide to only invite your friends